Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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