i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
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its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
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You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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