Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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