the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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