I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
