sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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