Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
