Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
