Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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