Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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