i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
