hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
