someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
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It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
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I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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