life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
How's work?
Spinning.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
