physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
