I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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