Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
