Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Girls should come with a carfax report
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
