Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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