Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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