I wish my penis had an off switch
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
