I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
