I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
