I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
