i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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