seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
