you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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