do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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