This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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