Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
