Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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