Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How does one acquire holy water?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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