I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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