I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
