it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
