for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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