Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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