real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
