My first STD was from a foam party
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
