It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
