Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
