I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
