i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
