I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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