i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
No subtext here. People are naked.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
