The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
