okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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