College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
third nipple confirmed
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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