My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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