Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
