My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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