I got chris browned last night
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
