Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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