why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You took a bar mat shot.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
