I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
