If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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