Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
