I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
