happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
