I think my vagina is haunted
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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