if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
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You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
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Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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