stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
